Trying to wrap my head around this burgeoning pre-teen rudeness that we keep encountering (building on the conversations that we have every single day - see my previous post). What is the point of rudeness? And why does it grate so much?
I think I know why it grates so much - it's just not necessary. Ever. I honestly can't think of any situation that calls for rudeness. Anger, sure. Disappointment, of course, Frustration, yep. Rudeness? Nope - can't think of any reason to be rude - ever.
Of course, I have been rude - it's typically the outcome of extreme frustration. But my pre-teen (who will be 10 in about 11 days) seems to get to this point extremely quickly and unnecessarily. So why is rudeness the outcome?
Is it a show of superiority? (You're beneath me, so I don't have to even try to be polite to you.)
Is it a necessary pre-condition of teenagerdom? (They won't let him into the club unless he's rude beyond belief to his parents.)
Is it because he lacks the social skills to do anything else? (Well, all the grade 6 kids do it, so therefore it must be ok...)
I'm really befuddled. Why why why so rude?
Only 9 more years....
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Conversations we have with the kids every. single. day.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this. We have the exact same conversations with our kids every single day. Every single one of them.
Every morning: how it's important to keep us moving so we get out the door. How it's important to wear boots in the winter. How the kids should have mitts and hats. Maybe neckwarmers. Because, you know, it gets cold around here in winter.
And since the school read-a-thon, we have the morning conversation about how reading does not replace breakfast.
Every time we get in the car: little car means little voices (we drive a sub-compact). Every time, before we get two blocks, we have had this conversation - out of necessity. This is cause #1 of my hearing loss. Which is not severe enough to avoid the need to have this "little car means little voices" conversation.
Every time Kid#2 is playing nicely by himself: telling Kid#1 to stay away and stop intruding and pushing himself and his agenda on Kid#2. Because it *always* ends up in a fight. And then we *always* have to tell Kid#1 to stop being so rude. To us.
We can hear the fights coming a mile away. It sounds like this (all kid quotes to the other kid)...
Every morning: how it's important to keep us moving so we get out the door. How it's important to wear boots in the winter. How the kids should have mitts and hats. Maybe neckwarmers. Because, you know, it gets cold around here in winter.
And since the school read-a-thon, we have the morning conversation about how reading does not replace breakfast.
Every time we get in the car: little car means little voices (we drive a sub-compact). Every time, before we get two blocks, we have had this conversation - out of necessity. This is cause #1 of my hearing loss. Which is not severe enough to avoid the need to have this "little car means little voices" conversation.
Every time Kid#2 is playing nicely by himself: telling Kid#1 to stay away and stop intruding and pushing himself and his agenda on Kid#2. Because it *always* ends up in a fight. And then we *always* have to tell Kid#1 to stop being so rude. To us.
We can hear the fights coming a mile away. It sounds like this (all kid quotes to the other kid)...
- I can do it - let me show you... (meaning "let me take over and do the cool thing that you are currently messing up")
- Stop - giggle giggle - stop!! (meaning "I think you should stop your annoying behaviour, but it's kind of funny, but I really want you to stop even though it's funny" - which means a yelling match and tears will erupt soon)
- Stop shining that in my eyes!
- whenever Kid#1 immediately repeats the parental instructions that were just stated to Kid#2...
- whenever Kid#2 needs to move towards a specific goal, and stalls out - which is every time he needs to move towards a specific goal...
Oh I could go on - I'm sure every family has this. Today's post was brought to you by the letters R U D and E - which is another conversation that we're having every single day.
I'm sure I'm not alone in losing my marbles over this too - right?
Friday, January 20, 2012
Sucky hockey
I'm going to sound un-Canadian with this post but... We were at a hockey game that was really bad. Home team was losing 5-1 when we left after the second period, and the little girls behind me were screaming at 200 decibels, and when that wasn't enough, they bought vuvuzela horns and blasted them. I was pretty sure that one of them was going to knock my kid over the head with it, while blaring 300 dB in my ear...
Big hockey fight after 2 minutes on the ice which was just stupid, and Kid#2 asked me why everyone was happy when the two hockey players were swinging punches at each other. I couldn't answer that one to be honest.
You know, there's something depressing about OHL hockey that I can't quite put my finger on. Feels sort of like being at the zoo - gratuitous entertainment and fighting, and this hockey mom who was yelling out as though the players and coach could actually hear her - and would actually take her advice if they could...
I appreciate it's part of our Canadiana and all that - but really? A fight after 2 min and the arena loves it? C'mon - we can do better than that...
Big hockey fight after 2 minutes on the ice which was just stupid, and Kid#2 asked me why everyone was happy when the two hockey players were swinging punches at each other. I couldn't answer that one to be honest.
You know, there's something depressing about OHL hockey that I can't quite put my finger on. Feels sort of like being at the zoo - gratuitous entertainment and fighting, and this hockey mom who was yelling out as though the players and coach could actually hear her - and would actually take her advice if they could...
I appreciate it's part of our Canadiana and all that - but really? A fight after 2 min and the arena loves it? C'mon - we can do better than that...
Monday, January 16, 2012
I want a weekend re-do
So at some point this past Friday, our phone line went dead. D. E. A. D.
We found out about it because my MIL was trying to call us about coming down for a visit, and our line was busy. Which is weird because it's never busy. Especially when we're not home. But, you know, oh well - maybe we didn't hang a phone up properly or maybe the contractors did something. And, you know, it will be fixed when they leave.
Except it wasn't. They left, and the phones were still D. E. A. D. Like, not even a dial tone! And there was - GASP!!! no internet. I just about went D. E. A. D. myself.
So coming home on Friday, after a big ice storm on Thursday (which meant the power was out at the kids' school which meant I had to go back and get them and spend the day with them which was when a friend invited us over to her house to spend the day with her and her kids who go to the same school and were also home for the day because not only was the power out but buses were cancelled, even though the school was originally supposed to be open... WHEW!!), I was already a bit frazzled and told Hubby that I was at the End Of My Rope.
I was already maxed out and approaching insanity. That was before the basement flooded. Several times.
So it seemed that, not only were we destined to spend the weekend without phone or internet (because, you know, Bell can't come until Monday evening... and that was after I pushed for something sooner than Tuesday...), it transpired that our washing machine, which the drywaller said he was going to hook up on Saturday so I could do laundry on Sunday, was not actually hooked up.
Unless you count hooking up the water into the washing machine, but not the actual hose that allows the water to drain out of the washing machine. So Saturday evening, when I try to do laundry, it floods the basement. And clogs up the drain. And Hubby has to heroically clean it all up with his ShopVac, which honestly, he doesn't get enough chances to use.
And then, somehow, this furthermore means that when I take my shower Sunday morning, it also floods the basement - even though the shower is on the second floor and the basement is - well - in the basement. And then it someone further transpires that when we flush the toilet, it floods the basement. And then I break down and cry because I have been maxed out since Friday, after the ice storm and losing phone and internet, and now I can't even flush the @#$&")&@#$&!!!! toilet without flooding the basement - well, you'd freak out too, right? (Make me feel better - just tell me you'd freak out too...)
So the emergency plumber who probably charges several winning lottery tickets per minute to come on a Sunday comes out on Sunday and snakes out the drain, while the contractor waits to see if it's him or us. Turns out, we still don't know. The drain is clear and we suspect that the snaky thing pushed construction material stuff out of the drain and into the sewer pipes under the road. Contractor suspects that it's just natural build up of gunk over the years and has nothing to do with the construction in our basement. Emergency plumber can't settle the debate and so wisely just leaves by the back door.
I make Hubby tell the story about the drywallers who, when constructing his new lab at the university, shoved pieces of cut drywall down the newly-built drain pipes, causing a flood the first time that the pipes were used. Contractor stops smiling so much.
Contractor leaves, pipe is cleared, we are able to - hallelujah! - flush toilets and take showers. Hubby takes the kids swimming at the local pool anyhow. And takes soap and shampoo, not just because health regulations require it.
Monday - Bell shows up before their time slot and I catch the repair guy as he's leaving. Turns out that the phone wire was "pinched" in the new drywall. He fixes it and - hallelujah! - we have phone and internet again. I talk with the drywaller as he is leaving a few minutes later. Oh he doesn't know what the Bell guy is talking about - yes, he had to move a couple of phone lines, but hey, we wouldn't want a screw put through them, would we? I think, would it kill you to eat humble pie and apologize and say you're sorry for our difficulties and inconvenience. Apparently it would. I remind him that, assuredly, we wouldn't want screws put through our phone lines, but it didn't seem to matter since we were already without phone service for three days. He maintains his superior attitude.
Drywaller is at two strikes now in my book.
And I have internet.
We found out about it because my MIL was trying to call us about coming down for a visit, and our line was busy. Which is weird because it's never busy. Especially when we're not home. But, you know, oh well - maybe we didn't hang a phone up properly or maybe the contractors did something. And, you know, it will be fixed when they leave.
Except it wasn't. They left, and the phones were still D. E. A. D. Like, not even a dial tone! And there was - GASP!!! no internet. I just about went D. E. A. D. myself.
So coming home on Friday, after a big ice storm on Thursday (which meant the power was out at the kids' school which meant I had to go back and get them and spend the day with them which was when a friend invited us over to her house to spend the day with her and her kids who go to the same school and were also home for the day because not only was the power out but buses were cancelled, even though the school was originally supposed to be open... WHEW!!), I was already a bit frazzled and told Hubby that I was at the End Of My Rope.
I was already maxed out and approaching insanity. That was before the basement flooded. Several times.
So it seemed that, not only were we destined to spend the weekend without phone or internet (because, you know, Bell can't come until Monday evening... and that was after I pushed for something sooner than Tuesday...), it transpired that our washing machine, which the drywaller said he was going to hook up on Saturday so I could do laundry on Sunday, was not actually hooked up.
Unless you count hooking up the water into the washing machine, but not the actual hose that allows the water to drain out of the washing machine. So Saturday evening, when I try to do laundry, it floods the basement. And clogs up the drain. And Hubby has to heroically clean it all up with his ShopVac, which honestly, he doesn't get enough chances to use.
And then, somehow, this furthermore means that when I take my shower Sunday morning, it also floods the basement - even though the shower is on the second floor and the basement is - well - in the basement. And then it someone further transpires that when we flush the toilet, it floods the basement. And then I break down and cry because I have been maxed out since Friday, after the ice storm and losing phone and internet, and now I can't even flush the @#$&")&@#$&!!!! toilet without flooding the basement - well, you'd freak out too, right? (Make me feel better - just tell me you'd freak out too...)
So the emergency plumber who probably charges several winning lottery tickets per minute to come on a Sunday comes out on Sunday and snakes out the drain, while the contractor waits to see if it's him or us. Turns out, we still don't know. The drain is clear and we suspect that the snaky thing pushed construction material stuff out of the drain and into the sewer pipes under the road. Contractor suspects that it's just natural build up of gunk over the years and has nothing to do with the construction in our basement. Emergency plumber can't settle the debate and so wisely just leaves by the back door.
I make Hubby tell the story about the drywallers who, when constructing his new lab at the university, shoved pieces of cut drywall down the newly-built drain pipes, causing a flood the first time that the pipes were used. Contractor stops smiling so much.
Contractor leaves, pipe is cleared, we are able to - hallelujah! - flush toilets and take showers. Hubby takes the kids swimming at the local pool anyhow. And takes soap and shampoo, not just because health regulations require it.
Monday - Bell shows up before their time slot and I catch the repair guy as he's leaving. Turns out that the phone wire was "pinched" in the new drywall. He fixes it and - hallelujah! - we have phone and internet again. I talk with the drywaller as he is leaving a few minutes later. Oh he doesn't know what the Bell guy is talking about - yes, he had to move a couple of phone lines, but hey, we wouldn't want a screw put through them, would we? I think, would it kill you to eat humble pie and apologize and say you're sorry for our difficulties and inconvenience. Apparently it would. I remind him that, assuredly, we wouldn't want screws put through our phone lines, but it didn't seem to matter since we were already without phone service for three days. He maintains his superior attitude.
Drywaller is at two strikes now in my book.
And I have internet.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Not much to say
Not much to update you on these days. Ski trip to Vermont went well. I stayed in Kingston and worked and put in five days' worth of work into four. That went well. Kids are now back at school and that's going well. Hubby is working too hard at professing (teaching two courses this term) but it seems to be going well. We're all slightly sleep-deprived but hey, nothing new there.
The basement reno goes on - we are having difficulties with our new on-demand water heater that keeps flashing out error messages and won't heat the water. I really hope that gets fixed soon. On the other hand, our bathroom floor in the basement was recently jack-hammered and remade so that we get a shower down there, which will be nice - as long as we can take hot showers...
So that's about it. What's new with you?
The basement reno goes on - we are having difficulties with our new on-demand water heater that keeps flashing out error messages and won't heat the water. I really hope that gets fixed soon. On the other hand, our bathroom floor in the basement was recently jack-hammered and remade so that we get a shower down there, which will be nice - as long as we can take hot showers...
So that's about it. What's new with you?
Monday, January 02, 2012
Good news
Kids apologized (after urging from their dad) and Hubby didn't berate me for mistreating the kids. All's well and me & kids had some hugs before bedtime.
Hubby & kids headed off to VT today and arrived safely, despite some poor driving conditions. A storm is coming in and, of course, the skiers are thrilled. Me, I'm working this week. Meh. :-)
Hubby & kids headed off to VT today and arrived safely, despite some poor driving conditions. A storm is coming in and, of course, the skiers are thrilled. Me, I'm working this week. Meh. :-)
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Christmas and all that
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were spent in Kingston. We managed to survive, including both boys being shepherds at the church pageant, and didn't kill each other too much. On Christmas morn, both boys were up at 7am-ish (so a somewhat reasonable hour) and ran downstairs to organize their prezzies and then came upstairs to get us. Well, actually I think we went downstairs first because we really thought that they would start opening things. Our kids aren't known for their sense of propriety on these occasions.
Boxing Day - my parents came into town and we had a nice dinner with them and relatives (Aunt and Uncle) with our second Christmas - a few gifts for the boys and an IOU for us (we know what it is - it's a lovely painting from my talented cousin and it's coming in the mail...)
Dec 27 - drive to Ottawa to be with the in-laws. Normally this fills me with dread because it's stressful being in someone else's house, on a rickety screechy bed that wobbles horrifically every time the Hubby rolls over... and with both boys sharing a small bedroom so that when one wakes up, so does the other... But this year, it filled me with dread for an entirely new reason: Hubby had booked an overnight at a cabin in the Gats. "At least," he tells me, "it has electric heating." I can hardly wait. We have our third Christmas with the in-laws - more prezzies for the ever-spoiled kids.
Dec 28 - potluck with my Hubby's friends. My kids wisely listen to me and bring books and games, as there are no other kids. They keep asking, as if the answer will change. I lose patience several times.
Dec 29 - ski through the Gats to the cabin. We, of course, are skiing on THE coldest day of the season so far. "At least," says my ever-optimistic husband, "there is snow!" Which is true - because a few days earlier, we might have been hiking in. Ottawa (and the surrounding area) has not had much of the fluffy white stuff, except for the storm we drove in two days earlier.
To be fair, the cabin was quite nice. Room for 17+ to sleep, mostly on bunk beds. I, however, sleep very poorly the first night in a new place - especially when sharing the room with my kids. Another family was supposed to join us, but had to cancel due to poor health (they have since recovered). Next time, my kids have planned for several other families to join us. As long as I learn how to sleep with earplugs, I should be fine. Better yet - book me a room at the Chateau Laurier, and I'll stay there. On the other hand, I didn't fall down once while skiing, and there were some nasty hills. My snowplough definitely improved on that trip. Did I mention it was a 3km (2 mi) ski each way?
Dec 30 - we ski back to the car and head home. First item of business: hot shower! Did I mention that the cabin had no indoor plumbing? no running water? And only an unheated outhouse? Well it did.
We spend the evening with more family - another few small prezzies for the boys, including a book called Larry the Loon that comes with an "alternative ending" that parents are supposed to read first - except no one told me that, or told my 7 yr old son, who sat reading the book quietly in the middle of the room and then turned to me with tears in his eyes and asked "Mommy, what does it mean that Larry the Loon will wake up in heaven?" Yes, apparently the book is about a loon who gets hit by a car and the alternative ending, which is also the read ending, has Larry getting euthanized. Lovely.
Dec 31 - back home where we all stay up until midnight. Well, hubby sorta makes it. He's getting more dad-like as he ages, and spent a couple of hours stretched out in front of the fireplace, "resting".
Jan 1 - rain. Boys get antsy and at one point throw a bunch of socks at me. Which would be funny except that I asked them several times to stop and they didn't. Because, you know, when they ask me to stop doing something, it's really ok with them if I keep going. (not) So I yelled. A lot. Because sometimes, that's the only thing that catches their attention. I don't think they care. And no one apologized. Clearly better parenting is in order.
Tomorrow Hubby and the Kids head off to Vermont for a downhill ski extravaganza at Smuggler's Notch. I hope I feel a little more charitable towards the kids by then because if they died, I'd hate to think that my last encounter with them was yelling over socks. Anyhoo, I'm back at work on Tues. And that's our vacation so far. I'm looking forward to the quiet.
Boxing Day - my parents came into town and we had a nice dinner with them and relatives (Aunt and Uncle) with our second Christmas - a few gifts for the boys and an IOU for us (we know what it is - it's a lovely painting from my talented cousin and it's coming in the mail...)
Dec 27 - drive to Ottawa to be with the in-laws. Normally this fills me with dread because it's stressful being in someone else's house, on a rickety screechy bed that wobbles horrifically every time the Hubby rolls over... and with both boys sharing a small bedroom so that when one wakes up, so does the other... But this year, it filled me with dread for an entirely new reason: Hubby had booked an overnight at a cabin in the Gats. "At least," he tells me, "it has electric heating." I can hardly wait. We have our third Christmas with the in-laws - more prezzies for the ever-spoiled kids.
Dec 28 - potluck with my Hubby's friends. My kids wisely listen to me and bring books and games, as there are no other kids. They keep asking, as if the answer will change. I lose patience several times.
Dec 29 - ski through the Gats to the cabin. We, of course, are skiing on THE coldest day of the season so far. "At least," says my ever-optimistic husband, "there is snow!" Which is true - because a few days earlier, we might have been hiking in. Ottawa (and the surrounding area) has not had much of the fluffy white stuff, except for the storm we drove in two days earlier.
To be fair, the cabin was quite nice. Room for 17+ to sleep, mostly on bunk beds. I, however, sleep very poorly the first night in a new place - especially when sharing the room with my kids. Another family was supposed to join us, but had to cancel due to poor health (they have since recovered). Next time, my kids have planned for several other families to join us. As long as I learn how to sleep with earplugs, I should be fine. Better yet - book me a room at the Chateau Laurier, and I'll stay there. On the other hand, I didn't fall down once while skiing, and there were some nasty hills. My snowplough definitely improved on that trip. Did I mention it was a 3km (2 mi) ski each way?
Dec 30 - we ski back to the car and head home. First item of business: hot shower! Did I mention that the cabin had no indoor plumbing? no running water? And only an unheated outhouse? Well it did.
We spend the evening with more family - another few small prezzies for the boys, including a book called Larry the Loon that comes with an "alternative ending" that parents are supposed to read first - except no one told me that, or told my 7 yr old son, who sat reading the book quietly in the middle of the room and then turned to me with tears in his eyes and asked "Mommy, what does it mean that Larry the Loon will wake up in heaven?" Yes, apparently the book is about a loon who gets hit by a car and the alternative ending, which is also the read ending, has Larry getting euthanized. Lovely.
Dec 31 - back home where we all stay up until midnight. Well, hubby sorta makes it. He's getting more dad-like as he ages, and spent a couple of hours stretched out in front of the fireplace, "resting".
Jan 1 - rain. Boys get antsy and at one point throw a bunch of socks at me. Which would be funny except that I asked them several times to stop and they didn't. Because, you know, when they ask me to stop doing something, it's really ok with them if I keep going. (not) So I yelled. A lot. Because sometimes, that's the only thing that catches their attention. I don't think they care. And no one apologized. Clearly better parenting is in order.
Tomorrow Hubby and the Kids head off to Vermont for a downhill ski extravaganza at Smuggler's Notch. I hope I feel a little more charitable towards the kids by then because if they died, I'd hate to think that my last encounter with them was yelling over socks. Anyhoo, I'm back at work on Tues. And that's our vacation so far. I'm looking forward to the quiet.
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